#1 January 19th, 2005 04:58 PM

lucille

Member

where to draw da line- cyber sex

been thinking about a girl the other day who discovered that hubby had been having cyber sex (mutual wank sesh, with web cam)................needless to say that she being a woman was devastated apparently not about what he was doing, but who he was doing it with (its so obvious it doesn’t need mentioning- surprise, surprise barley there blonde ladies). 

Anyway…….got me thinking where is the line?  And who draws it?  It used be as soon as there was physical contact it wasn’t ok.  But now you can do it all from the comfort of your own couch (or compu chair), and with ladies that wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole in real life…

I wouldn’t be happy with my boy doin it, but then that’s how I used to feel about men enjoying porn and checking out other women…. So maybe I am still waiting to be enlightened?

theda

Member

Re: where to draw da line- cyber sex

been thinking about a girl the other day who discovered that hubby had been having cyber sex (mutual wank sesh, with web cam)................needless to say that she being a woman was devastated apparently not about what he was doing, but who he was doing it with (its so obvious it doesn’t need mentioning- surprise, surprise barley there blonde ladies). 
Anyway…….got me thinking where is the line?  And who draws it?  It used be as soon as there was physical contact it wasn’t ok.  But now you can do it all from the comfort of your own couch (or compu chair), and with ladies that wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole in real life…

I wouldn’t be happy with my boy doin it, but then that’s how I used to feel about men enjoying porn and checking out other women…. So maybe I am still waiting to be enlightened?

I think my main concern would be, is that often internet friendships often spiral out into intense relationships and merge into real life. We all know at least one person whose crossed the seas to meet their so-called internet soul mate.
And a lot of those relationships worked out beautifully. And a lot turned out to be really dysfunctional and horrible events with total psychos. But anyway, I guess if I was the person I'd feel betrayed...it just depends what your definition of fidelity is. Although one could look at cyber sex as an extended form of fantasising....mind you though thats a living breathing human being on the other end of the computer.
If they are having regular cyber sex with the same person then I think thats quite troubling..I don't think it would stop there. If they lived in the same country chances are they'll want to extend the relationship to include real life sex.

MrLance

Member

Re: where to draw da line- cyber sex

In my opinion, the line is drawn where the mental and emotional commitment begins. 
Checking out other women is simple male instinct that all we simple males do from when we first discover girls aren't really all that yucky, until long past we have the ability to do anything about it.
Viewing porn requires no mental or emotional effort, it is what it is..television.  Personally, porn to me is no more than a means to an end. 
I feel that the "line" is crossed when you or your partner actively embrace any emotions or urges that take you in any direction that does not involve your partner.  To do so you have to make the decision to disregard your partner, this to me is when betrayal begins.

voyeur2

Member

Re: where to draw da line- cyber sex

I think my main concern would be, is that often internet friendships often spiral out into intense relationships and merge into real life. We all know at least one person whose crossed the seas to meet their so-called internet soul mate.
And a lot of those relationships worked out beautifully. And a lot turned out to be really dysfunctional and horrible events with total psychos. But anyway, I guess if I was the person I'd feel betrayed...it just depends what your definition of fidelity is. Although one could look at cyber sex as an extended form of fantasising....mind you though thats a living breathing human being on the other end of the computer.
If they are having regular cyber sex with the same person then I think thats quite troubling..I don't think it would stop there. If they lived in the same country chances are they'll want to extend the relationship to include real life sex.

I think the issue is one of fidelity.  If the person having cyber sex (man or woman) does not tell the partner about it, then it is a bit like pub trolling on the sly. 

The other question is - if cyber sex is an exchange of fantasies - what is wrong in the live relationship that they cannot discuss their own fantasies?  Some fantasy is violent, illegal, inappropriate.  You can pose on the net as either sex, any age for instance, no need to be truthful on descriptions - even photos can be of other people.

  Is it because of the shame factor in their fantasies intruding into the public persona of the people?  Web stuff is anonymous and much safer most of the time.

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Have I ever lied to you before?

lucille

Member

Re: where to draw da line- cyber sex

mrlance i agree.... but how do you tell that an emotional urge has taken your partner in a direction away from you??

the lines have lately become very blurred, and yes i agree that watching porn in a non active pastime (in that you aren't interacting with the image, nor in a dialogue with the individual )

but online sex, with or without web cam is active, you are creating a situation/ scenario with another individual, and presumably reaching a point of climax with that person.

Suppose I shouldn’t worry too much til It happens…….!

Belgareth

Member

Re: where to draw da line- cyber sex

mrlance i agree.... but how do you tell that an emotional urge has taken your partner in a direction away from you??

the lines have lately become very blurred, and yes i agree that watching porn in a non active pastime (in that you aren't interacting with the image, nor in a dialogue with the individual )

but online sex, with or without web cam is active, you are creating a situation/ scenario with another individual, and presumably reaching a point of climax with that person.

Suppose I shouldn’t worry too much til It happens…….!

It's not a question of what the person is doing but why they are doing it. It is usually a sign of relationship breakdown, when one partner seeks a relationship, whether real or virtual, with someone else and isolates their partner from that second relationship.

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nagaloo

Member

Re: where to draw da line- cyber sex

mrlance i agree.... but how do you tell that an emotional urge has taken your partner in a direction away from you??

the lines have lately become very blurred, and yes i agree that watching porn in a non active pastime (in that you aren't interacting with the image, nor in a dialogue with the individual )

but online sex, with or without web cam is active, you are creating a situation/ scenario with another individual, and presumably reaching a point of climax with that person.

Suppose I shouldn’t worry too much til It happens…….!

Hmmmm. Cyber sex need not be feared if done in the proper frame of mind. I love this ISM site. But it is a new kind of interactive porn/art ( I prefer art ) that lets you to some extent interact with real people. The girls in playboy and others like that were always separate from the real world. These are real people here, and a lot of detail as to where they are located makes me a little nervous for them. A good tracker could find some of these people. So on a certain level you could be breaking your faith with someone by just subscribing here. I hope some day to find an open trusting person who is relaxed enough to be fine with a circle jerk now and then, and anything else that’s reasonable and fun. If two people love each other they should be able to be themselves and function as one when necessary. I feel no one should have complete control or possession of another individual in any relationship. Cyber sex between two single people has some dangers too. But if you are committed and playing with someone online and think it might be wrong, you are most likely hiding other things before you ever got to that point. It can just be simple fun but it does have its dangers if you are not careful and honest.

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The universe is unfolding as it should, and so are the girls on ISM. I love them all.